


Bentley and the microwave

by Chacw



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 10:41:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15241608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chacw/pseuds/Chacw
Summary: Bentley and Tora find a magic microwave while Alcor has been Dip-Niped.enough said.





	Bentley and the microwave

**Author's Note:**

> I love me some good Bentley fics, but with the amount of shit currently going down in Orange Lillies it made me think back to the nice light hearted Bentley fics. Missing those I decided to take an absurd concept an make a nice fic with it. Enjoy.

Bentley had just had a shit day. If there was a way something could go wrong, it did. The only positive to today was that class was short, and that Alcor wasn’t breathing down his neck the whole day. Being pissed, he was even less prepared for what he found at home.

Opening up the door to his and Tora’s apartment he heard: “Hey Bentley, could you uh, give me a hand? Alcor has broke and is acting like a cat. He is making a mess of your room and I can’t get it under control.”

Slightly confused Bentley responded: “Sure, what is the-” Then he saw what was happening.  
Sitting cross legged on the floor with large dilated eyes was Dipper. Sitting next to him but with her head in her hands was Torako. Looking up, Tora said: “You know that annoying thing cats would do with tissue boxes or rolls of toilet paper?”

“Uhhhh, no. Can you elaborate a bit on that?”

“You know, how when some cats would just start pulling out all the tissues from the box and make a massive mess, or unroll the nice new roll of toilet paper? Dipper has been doing that but with cleaning out his hat…. In your room…. Started on your bed. I think some of it is alive. I have been here an hour just making sure it stayed in your room.”

“So what do we do about it?”

“We could ignore it until he snaps out of it, or…..”

“Or what?”

“Well you seem to have had a bad day. Normally I think this would be optimal cuddle time, but your nice large bed is in use. So how about we see what cool stuff Alcor has in there?”

“How nice, my guess is it's full of dead bodies and bombs. I see no way this could go wrong.”

“Oh cheer up grump.”

 

\-----------------------

After 20 minutes of cleaning up candy wrappers and fighting pidgeon mutants, Torako and Bentley found what looked like an old christmas present labeled: “to my bestesest of freinD. From you’re bestie”

“Do we open it?” Torako said, looking towards Bentley.

“No idea, but that grammar makes me want to puke.” Bentley said only half jokingly.

“It’s labeled to the best friend. Either Alcor has made it for you, or he has a friend we don’t know.”

“It could be that vampire, she was very familiar with Dipper.” Bentley pointed out.

“Do you expect someone as old as her to have such bad handwriting?”

“No, so it probably is for me.”

“Open it.” She said with a massive grin.

After looking over his shoulder to see Alcor now asleep curled up on the floor, he turned back towards the box. Half prepared for it to literally and/or metaphorically blow up in his face, Bentley slowly opened it to reveal a microwave. A really old microwave.

The microwave was large and pure white except for the tinted window on the door. The keys looked like they were stolen from an even older keyboard. There were no brand marks on it and the whole thing was so heavy it took both of them to lift it out of the unmarked box.

“Damn I was hoping it would be something fun.” Torako said with a sigh. “It looks old, like pre transcendence old. Do you think it works?”

 

“No idea, there’s an instruction manual with it. Let's see what we can learn about it.”

It took the two of them ten minutes to translate the old english. Another 10 for Bentley to find a way to power it safely, and five minutes of diving through the pile of Alcor’s trash for Torako to find a box labeled “Hot Pockets” 

“So I set the timer to three and a half minutes for the two pockets. Now we just wait to see if it works.”

The microwave turned on and with a shared cheer Bentley and Tora sat down and waited.

“Sooooooo…”

“Yes?” Bentley replied, looking equally as bored.

“Do you think, this was worth it?”

“No, we spent so much time to get it to work, and i'm not sure if those are even edible any more.”

“Only one way to find out.” Tora said with half smile as the microwave beeped.

Opening up the microwave Tora and Bentley saw two steaming hot pockets, and a wrapped fortune cookie.

“Did you put that there?” Bentley asked.

“Nope. Did you?”

“Nooooooooo…..”

Reaching in Bentley felt the heat coming off the hot pockets but the cookie was room temperature if not a little cool. Sharing glances with Tora, Bentley opened the wrapping and cracked the cookie to get to the fortune.

Reading it aloud it said, “ After preparing the [REDACTED] pancakes team [REDACTED] started to summon Alcor.”

“What?” Torako blurted out.

“No idea, the hot pockets are cooling down, wanna figure this out over a snack?”

 

Again sharing a glance at Torako, Bentley bit down into what is possibly an old stale, moldy, or even poisonous hot pocket. It was delicious.

After finishing their hot pockets and discussion about the fortune, Tora said: “So they decided to summon Alcor with pancakes? All I can think to do is have another hot pocket and hope another cookie shows up.”

“I’ll have another one too, to say the least. It was surprisingly delicious.” Bentley said reaching towards the box on the counter.

Three and a half minutes later, Tora opened the door to reveal two hot pockets and a wrapped fortune cookie. Tora pulled the cookie out of the wrapper and crushed it to get to the fortune. With a mixture of fear and curiosity on her face, she began to read. 

“After incident [REDACTED] Relationships between the world and [REDACTED] have been tough, [REDACTED] known attempts to start wars with [REDACTED] have been stopped. But tension is still high, project:[REDACTED] which should help sooth Alcor and keep the country of [REDACTED] out of his wrath.”

Blinking slightly for how long it was and deciding not to question how that paragraph neatly fits on that tiny slip of paper, Tora turned to the microwave and without a word set the time to one second and hit start. She opened the door and pulled out another cookie. Tora looked at a confused Bentley and said, “This is weird, and confusing, and I think this second one happened chronologically before the first one, ready for the next part?”

“Do it, we have some time before we can question Dipper on it.”

Reading aloud it said: “Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re a big nerd, and Alcor is too.”

Bentley and Torako looked at each other for a second before letting out some giggles.

Not even taking a moment to question it, Bentley reached over to the microwave for the next one and read it. 

“Fun Fact about Alcor #204: The original Mizar would refer to yggdrasil as “Dip-Nip” because it would make Alcor high and act like a cat.”

The next fortune said: “Life is short for most of you, enjoy it and have fun. Go for a walk or spend time with your dad. To be honest, I don't care what you do, just don't waste it.”

“Did I just get life advice from a microwave?” Bentley said, trying not to giggle.

“Yes, and I like the thought of a microwave caring about what we do.” Tora said while badly holding back laughter.

The two of them sat there reading dumb fortune for hours. Then they compiled a list of the best fortunes they got:

“Mission:{REDACTED] is to try and avoid nuclear warfare with [REDACTED]”

“Souls are like lemons. Can be wasted if left alone for too long, or can be delicious if eaten with a touch of sugar.”

 

“Quod si non est ita simplex est intellegere, quod omnis notitia remotus sit. Aliquo modo ibi esse noverant omnia. Qui fieri potest?”

“Non ita est simplicius intelligi quod omnis cognitio est remotus. Sunt enim in ambiguo quodammodo est, ut omnia magna videatur. Estne possibile?”

“Sic intelligendum est quod omnis cognitio simplex distabit. Sunt enim in ambiguo quodammodo est, ut omnia, ita magnum videtur. An hoc fieri potest?”

“Nihil sit illi?”

“The story of the nice unicorn is a work of fiction, for a nice unicorn has never existed.”

“After action report of Major [REDACTED]: It was all a lie. If this blunder gets out the glorious nation of [REDACTED] would be ruined. I personally will be resigning and going into hiding, if I even once think he is near I will not hesitate to kill myself.”

“I’m bored. You gonna cook something?”

“Major [REDACTED] died [REDACTED]”

“Life is cruel, so am I.”

“Do you love me?”

“What you only want more confidential fortunes?”

“Then I said that’s not a penguin that’s a throw pillow.”

“Do you want to build a snowman?”

“Blood milkshakes bring all the girls to the yard.”

“Uhhh uuh h h uhhhhm what's your opinion on pockets?”

“ Proper list of his titles: Alcor the Dreambender, the twin star, the eternal dork, nerdiest guy in the dreamscape, bad player of poker, devourer of souls, hater of good literature, best uncle ever, the eternal cat.”  
\---------------

Bentley and Tora were dying of laughter at times so when Alcor walked over and asked, “Where did you get that?” they were still giggling at the creative ways the microwave had mocked Alcor.

“It was in a present you pulled out of your hat.” Tora said while picking up the discarded box.

“I don’t recognize it.”

“It was in the pile of junk you left in my room.”

“Not mine. I know the inside of my hat very well, I didn't put that there.” Dipper said, walking over to look at the plain white microwave and ripping the top off.

“Hey we were using that!” Tora said through a mouthful of cookie.

“Ok, I understand.” Alcor said, looking into the microwave. “I’ll go clean up my mess, make sure you two clean up yours. I always have an awful headache after these trips so im gonna wait for you two to finish and come cuddle.” He pulled hair out of his mouth for emphasis.

Bentley looked inside the microwave and let out a long slow whistle. It was a three dimensional web of spellwork. Bentley was about to take a hour to take a closer look, but was interrupted when Tora rushed by with fistfuls of cookie wrappers muttering something about drool and hair loss. Bentley smartly decided to follow after her to make sure she doesn't try to fight a demon again. When he returned the next morning to find the microwave missing, all the runes on their home untouched, a pie sitting on the table with a note on top and Alcor just sitting there staring at it, he decided not to question it. Later that day Alcor would walk up to him and hand him a slice of pie, simply saying “You earned it.” He also did not question it and enjoyed the slice of maple flavoured pie.

He would later learn that Tora has kept all the fortunes in a jar in her closet just in case something will relate to its weird narrative.

**Author's Note:**

> Damn. That was a dumb fic. I would say have fun translating the Latin. but to be honest it's all gibberish, the first three Latin quotes are the same dumb phrase translated back and forth different amount of times, and the fourth one is understandable, but still means nothing. Also anyone who can tell me where the line about penguins and throw pillows comes from will instantly be my friend.
> 
> I also did debate gifting this fic to storiewriter for the wonderful Bentley fics. but in the end decided that they would most likely see this anyways so there would be no point.
> 
> (Thanks Tooth, you are still a better writer then me. Waiting for your retaliation, still waiting for that fight.) :)


End file.
